Such Beautiful, Fragile Lives We've Had
by SilverTippedWings
Summary: What will be a collection of different oneshots featuring all sorts of countries and their relationships. Fluff, angst, and everything in between to come. First story: China muses over Japan and catches himself thinking of the past.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. **

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He does not mind the relationship that they have now.

It is imperfect but it is fine. Worlds better than that painful, _unthinkable_ period of time where Japan-no it wasn't really him- had inflicted such horrors upon him. China closed his eyes and then opened them. It was hard to look at his brother (no matter what he said they were brothers) sometimes. The face of his youth would stare back at him, those innocent and bright eyes. He was so tiny then, easy to pick up and walk around the house with. He almost never put him down back then, liking having someone else to take care of. It had been so lonely before him, China hadn't really known what he had been missing. Sure there had been other encounters but they had always been brief and frightening. Never before had it been like when he had met Japan. The young child was so fragile looking, and it had been pure instinct for China to pick him up and carry him home.

He had fit well in his home and before China knew it there were others. His once lonely life was filled to the brim with overflowing child nations, all of them with the same child-like trust in their eyes- he could barely move without finding one attaching itself to his leg. He never minded though, they made his house warm with laughter and good humor. He found himself learning how to smile again and amazingly how to be young again. For so long he had despaired quietly and let his personality grow sour- they taught him to see the world with wide eyes, a lesson he would forget. Still, Japan was the first. China never let himself choose favorites but it hurt the most when Japan turned against him. It seemed too quick when the young boy turned into a quiet and withdrawn teen and then into an ambitious man. Promises of treats and bedtime legends no longer made the nation smile, instead Japan spent more time improving his own culture. In fact he had had the nerve to tell China that he was the ignorant one! China remembered that night, like so many others, the air between them once again soured by Japan's visions. He talked more and more of the Westerners and what they would bring. He grew impatient at China, his soft voice reprimanding instead of kind.

He was the first and then one by one the others in his care followed suit. Some of them were taken by him, others by those damned Westerners, and then those who sought their own paths. China was even older then and never had his years felt more like burdens than gifts.

He could not think about those times anymore. China smiled wistfully- a ghost of his wisdom appearing one his face. Yes, the relationship he and Japan had now was not perfect but one day it could be again.

Japan shifted in the seat beside China as if almost sensing the melancholy mood he was in. China blinked a few times then made sure to seem engrossed in the meeting, not wanting Japan to see the emotions behind his eyes.

There had been an apology somewhere after.

China had been slightly crazy then too, falling in a bit too deep with Russia. Had it been an apology? China only remembered Japan's cries of pain and anguish, the normally subdued nation's voice becoming raw from his screams. Even though China was in pain too, even though he had gone through such torturous agony throughout the years- he still went to Japan. By then, he was barely coherent. His hair had been matted and bloody, some of it falling in clumps from his head.

"Water." Japan had hissed out, "Please, I need some water."

The words had been barely intelligible but China had given him water even though it did nothing. He held him throughout the night, knowing Japan's officials would not miss him, they were too wrapped in their own crisis to miss him. It would be hard to imagine that his cries could have gotten any worse or pitiful but they did after Nagasaki. China could do nothing to ease the pain and though a very small part of him told him he should be glad that Japan was finally reaping what he had sowed, he couldn't bring himself to feel joy at his expense. Not when every time Japan rasped out a syllable, China heard whispers of a younger boy's voice. When the worst had passed, Japan's eyes had started to open into small slits, his face turning into a semblance of a human being again. China had not known what to do when those dark browns met his own. Vague recognition was there and it looked almost like he was going to say something but then coherency had faded and Japan was asleep again. The next time he awoke, China was gone and he was back home. They did not interact much after that, Japan was too weak and China pulled away by his own boss.

Jolting himself back into the present, China absentmindedly unwrapped one of the many Chinese treats he had brought to the meeting today and popped it into his mouth. He did not know why he was in such a reflective mood today.

"Perhaps we should return to Mr. America's main point?" Japan's voice broke through the loud bickering between France and England who both adjusted their suits and pretended not to notice each other.

China rolled his eyes at their childish antics and nodded violently to what Japan said. "Yes! I, for one, am getting sick of these meetings going past their end time." Japan was quiet again beside him but China sensed that Japan was relieved that his gentle persuasion had worked. Germany too looked happy that he didn't need to use his commanding voice to calm things down. China found himself proud that many of the other nations respected his little brother. Too bad they didn't hold him in the same regard, sometimes it felt like even though he was the oldest they all treated him like he was just a kid.

The meeting wrapped up with some sort of resolution, China was pretty sure they had managed to get past one full slide of America's before they had all collapsed out of exasperation. As they were filing out, China hurried to Japan's side.

"Japan! Are you free tonight for dinner?" China grinned hopefully at his brother. Japan paused in his departure and his mouth opened- _please let it not be a 'maybe'_

"Ah yes, China-san. That would be lovely, thank you."

Always so polite and formal. Their relationship was smooth now, but sometimes China felt like it was walking on eggshells. Especially when Japan was so formal. It made him wince because it only made things even more awkward between them.

Still, their relationship wasn't perfect yet. China thought as he beamed at his little brother who hesitantly offered a small unsure smile in return. Not perfect, but for now it would do.

For now, just Japan's quiet regret and China's loving forgiveness would do.

Maybe one day China would be able to get that beautiful smile to encompass Japan's face and for his laughter to echo around his lonely house again.

China had lived for thousands of years; some in light, some in darkness, some in joy, some in pain, yes, he could afford to live a few more in simple peace and quiet.

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A/N: For a long time I have been thinking that it would be nice to do small one shots featuring all the different relationships all our lovely countries have with each other. This one obviously features Japan and China and the much more complex relationship they have beneath the surface. I tried to put a few historical references in there but it's not very explicit as I know that if I tried to do that they would be horribly inaccurate! I love historical Hetalia but goodness does it take so much work and research! D: I've always liked the Asian nations and especially how China tried to be the best big brother/father. Maybe I'll do a oneshot that's not so angsty and more fluffy featuring his other little charges. I hope to have encircle the globe and have some other good relationships hit but that's for another time my friends. Thanks for reading! Leave a review if you'd like, they always bring a smile to my face. Also, please don't hurt me too much over all the grammar errors and typos! They will hopefully be fixed at a later time.


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